Beat Holiday Stress - How to Stop Creating It

Hello lovely reader!

If I told you to go out and fill your trunk up stress, you couldn't do it.  We create stress.  So, during the holidays especially, make an effort to simply stop creating stress.  How?

1. See it now, buy it now!  If you know that you are going to eventually pick up a gift card for your mailman and your uncle, buy it now while you're waiting for your latte at Starbucks or while you're grabbing wine at the grocery store. Be flexible.  You don't need to be "officially holiday shopping" to get a couple people checked off of the list.  If you know that your sister would just love those salt and pepper shakers, pick them up right now.  Trying to remember what you saw, where you saw and who it was perfect for is only added stress you don't need and can prevent.

2. USE your smart phone.  If you can do it in two minutes or less, do it now.  If not, put it in your reminders and better yet, block off the time consuming ideas in your calendar so you have actually created a place to get it all done.  Put EVERYTHING in your phone.  Even recurring appointments, payments and tasks.  This will literally free your mind up for more creative thought, and perhaps, even some thoughts of holiday cheer.

3. Stop thinking about what you have to do.  Your brain doesn't know the difference between thinking about doing something or actually doing something.  So, if you're continually ruminating about what you have to do, your brain thinks that you have been working on it, and furthermore, getting absolutely no where.  This leads to the phenomena of thinking that something will be way harder and take longer to complete than it actually will.

4. Think happy thoughts.  When you think about something enough and get no where in completing it, you begin to dread it.  Since your brain will avoid anything associated with displeasure or pain, you can be sure it will keep you far from anything that you're dreading or thinking will be miserable.  This furthers the procrastination problem leading to stressful thoughts.  A nice mantra to take on, even if you don't believe it now is, "it's easy and I like it!" Don't worry.  All you have to do is think something enough for it to become a belief.  Keep thinking that it's easy and fun and lo and behold, it will eventually become so.

3. Don't put everything off until "after the holidays." No magical time slots open up after January 1st and when they do, we usually head for Mexico.  This is just setting up the beginning of the new year for a lot to do.  See what you can squeeze in. It's way more than you think because you may already be grappling with the procrastination time distortion situation that I described in #3.  Especially make time for the fun things like lunch with a friend or game night with the neighbors.  This is not adding to the stress, it's probably more likely relieving it a bit. 

Peace, love, and all things wonderful,

Cheri

Avoid the New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake!

Hello, my lovely New Year's Resolutionists! 

It's that time of year...You may be thinking about your New Year’s Resolutions for 2013.

If you know me, you know I'm not the biggest fan of New Year's Resolutions…well, at least, how they traditionally work…Why, you ask? 

Three reasons! 

1. Resolutions Start at the Goal 

New Year's Resolutions often have you starting at your goal rather than working toward your goal. "I'm going to start eating healthy on January 1st" leaves no room for gradual change and therefore, means a lower success rate. 

Believe me, if I could, I would eat all of my meals for the whole year in one day. One big trip to Publix and whole day of pig out and I just saved time, money and hassle! But your body won't allow it…it needs food little by little. And that's how your brain is; it's a part of your body, remember? It almost always needs change little by little if you want to implement new, long-term behavior.

Interesting that I never hear resolutionists who want to learn how to play the guitar say that starting January 1st, they are going to play Jimi Hendrix licks. Why is it different to say you'll start right away by running two miles three times a week? It's actually not different at all. Just because you can run two miles, doesn't mean that you will continue to do it on any regular basis. Your brain will rarely let you...it needs change little by little…just like it needs food. This is why starting at your goal sets you up for a downfall.

Of course, every time I tell someone this, they say, "but I don't want to work on my novel for 20 minutes three times a week! I want to work on it 2 hours a night five times a week!" That's the finish line, not the start! Are you going to concerts to hear the encore? You are working on developing a new habit here…something that's a part of you, something you will enjoy. Twenty minutes will always be better than zero minutes 100% of the time. Get through this thinking trap by remembering that something always better than nothing.

2. New Year's Resolutions Lack Contemplation and Preparation 

Often, usually in December, when I hear someone talk about an upcoming New Year's Resolution, they may mention it - but then quickly change the subject. The resolution takes on an "I'm not worrying about that until January 1st" feel. 

When you decide that you want to start a new habit, you'll want to take some time to think about it, ponder it and prepare for it. It may even need a tweak or two. Give your brain some time to get used to the idea of what it will mean for you on a day to day basis. Putting off all thoughts about your new habit until January 1st doesn't give you time to get your head wrapped around this new idea. 

Remember, your brain likes gradual change. Begin noting when would be a "good time" or a "bad time" for your new habit. Make some adjustments in your schedule. Simply observe (without judgment) your current behaviors and habits with the intention of learning how to make it work. Then you can begin acting as if your new habit is already in action. 

If you'd like to play your piano daily, go buy some music, have the piano tuned, clean up your music space and your instrument. Prepare and allow yourself to really feel good about the what you want to change and the journey that you are about to take. Feeling good is the key to success.  

If you feel bad about what you're not doing, your brain associates the behavior and makes sure you avoid it.  Since your brain is wired up to avoid all unpleasant tasks or anything considered boring or hard, it will do you the "favor" of keeping you far from it.  This is true even if it's something you truly want or even something that would be healthier for you.  Do whatever you can to feel good about what you want.  It's most of the battle.  

Another idea is to tell someone else all about your new habit! I don't just mean mentioning, "My New Year's Resolution is to get organized." Find a buddy that wants it too and go shopping at the Container Store, or find a family member who's handy and build a bookshelf. Find an accountability partner who wants to go to church or synagogue with you every weekend, and then drive together. And believe me, you'll be far more likely to go to a spinning class if your neighbor is at your door, dressed and ready to ride.

3. New Year's Resolutions May Perpetuate Harmful Beliefs 

One last thought: If you have not had luck with your resolutions in the past, not sticking to your commitments to yourself can start to weigh heavily on you and may get you believing some mean and frankly untrue things about yourself. This is unnecessary and totally preventable. 

Take another look at your resolutions and start them on a Tuesday, on February 3rd, or Saturday, January 31st or whenever it makes sense for you. You know, it’s not impossible to start resolutions even on December 23rd or December 26th. In fact, it’s quite empowering…try it! 

Think of New Year's Resolutions as not having a start date, but having a year goal.  Make goals for 2013 that begin with a plan that has periodic, realistic goals along the way and will last throughout the whole year. Make 2013 your year rather than January 1st just your day, Don’t be that guy at the gym that is gone come March...Incremental change with clear realistic goals and flexible plans will bring change that lasts and lasts.

Peace, Love and Happy Holidays (and resolutions!), 

Cheri