The New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake

I'm not the biggest fan of New Year's Resolutions...why? First, New Year's Resolutions often start at the goal. Rarely, is there ever room for progress. Starting January 1st, all is changed. Your brain doesn't work like that and that's why come March the gyms are empty again.

Second, New Year's Resolutions lack contemplation and preparation. It's a good idea to get your brain on board by thinking and talking about what kind of change you want in your life. I encourage buying new running clothes, hanging out with runners and surfing runner's websites to get your brain believing that you are a runner now.

Lastly, New Year's Resolutions (and the lack of success that usually goes along with them) can perpetuate harmful beliefs about yourself and get you really down. All that being said, long term change is possible, just not in the way that we Americans have gone about it in the past.

Click here ( http://web.me.com/cheriflake/The_Stress_Therapist/Newsletter_Archives_files/The%20New%20Year%27s%20Resolutionist%27s%20Mistake%202011.pdf ) to learn about how you can avoid the New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake. Good luck to you in your endeavors for long term healthy changes in your life!

Peace, Love and Happy New Year,

Cheri

Something to be thankful for...

While you’re rushing around and cooking this and getting the holiday deal on that, and decorating everything and thinking of everyone, don’t let the hustle and bustle get you down.

Remember this: The frustrations and extra work that come along with the holidays are a gift. No need to stress about tangled up Christmas lights if you aren’t looking for your next meal. You are lucky enough to afford the bird in the oven and all of the presents that you’re wrapping. So, as annoying as all the work that goes into making the tree look beautiful can sometimes be, know how wonderful it is that you are able to surround yourself with beautiful things. Even though your cousin drives you nuts and your dad keeps hounding you, you were blessed with a family. You are not alone.

Everything that you’re working on is a blessing. Know that things that need to be done and bought and wrapped and thought of are all a gift. These things are only important because all of your other needs like food, shelter and water have been met.

So when you’re feeling annoyed or frustrated or tired of what the holiday season often brings us, remember that a holiday season to enjoy is truly your blessing.

Shake it off, chin up, smile big and allow yourself to feel good. You deserve it.

Happy Thanksgiving and bless you,

Cheri

Stop Catastrophizing! It's bad for you!

Hello!

Since we know that we can’t actually produce stress out of thin air-that we can’t actually put it in our cars and drive it home from the store or wherever we can “find” it, we must know that we create it.

This is HUGE. If we create stress then all we have to do is stop creating it then, right? Right.

We create stress with our thoughts. A lot of times, it’s because we are catastrophizing all of our events. I often give my clients a “Catastrophizing Scale” so they can assess just how bad they are making it for themselves day to day.

In a nutshell, it works on 1 to 10 scale like this...Let’s say that not being able to find a parking spot is a “1” and something like the horrible Hurricane Katrina comes by and wipes out your house with every single thing you own AND every single person you love is a “10.”

What does that make an argument with your spouse? A flat tire? Losing your job???

Are you treating everything in your life like it’s a “10”???

This is not only living a lie, but very hard on your body since it uses physiological responses to “10s” that’ll get worn out in a hurry and leave you with faulty (bodily) equipment if everything is always a 10! I believe this is how illness sets in...

So, start putting things in perspective and rate your events appropriately. Stop hurting yourself!

I think you’ll feel a lot better.

Peace,

Cheri

Back To School, Yay!

It’s about to be autumn...the kids are back in school and busy, busy, busy!

Did you too love your school supplies???

My love of new school supplies has contributed to my quest of an anti-procrastination way of living. This is something that you must refuse to outgrow! New school supplies that appeal to you may already be associated with getting it all done and can facilitate productive work. Isn’t there something about a brand new pen or a new notebook opening up for the first time, just for you??? The effect: the lovely feeling of organization and new beginnings.

The lovely part of growing up is that as you get older, “school supplies” just keep getting better and better! Pencil holders are replaced with PDAs, and who needs glitter pens or colored pencils when nothing says “I’m organized,” like an electronic label maker?

So, indulge your inner child and embrace the New Year with your kids...go shopping for your new school supplies!

Just be sure to never skimp on two things - a calendar that works like your brain does (You may notice that you tend to think in “weeks,” like me...Or are you more of a “daily” thinker?) and smaller notepads to leave in various locations to write down thoughts, quotes you like, a grocery list, or a book you want.

Buy separate notebooks for separate subjects, just like in high school - one for your ideas on redoing the kitchen, one for ideas on holiday gifts (Real Simple, my all time favorite brand of school supplies, makes a lovely gift ledger), one for your dreams, one for the family to write their vacation ideas, one for the brilliant ideas that you have at work...whatever you’re pondering...whatever subject you are currently studying.

Happy school supply shopping!

Peace,

Cheri

It's Time To Be Right AND Happy...

Hello lovely readers!

We hear a lot of talk about “thinking positive” and “keeping your chin up,” and I am certainly in the camp that believes that making sure that your thoughts are in alignment with what you want is going to make your life better.

But, why, then is it so incredibly hard to do? Maybe it’s because “misery loves company,” or simply because so many of us still need to “see it to believe it,” but it’s hard to stay positive and count on the best outcome sometimes. It’s seems even harder to watch our loved ones do it when we think that they’ll probably end up disappointed.

So, we prepare for the worst. We wouldn’t want to be disappointed. We don’t put all of eggs in one basket.

I think that we all have a tendency to want to be right more than anything in the world. Sometimes even more than we want to be happy.

If thoughts are things...and there is more and more evidence that this is truly the case, then we are more in control of our destiny than we think and what we think about we bring about whether we believe it or not.

Incidentally, a great book that illustrates just this is The Field by Lynne McTaggart.

So, if we prepare to be disappointed, we are. If we talk about what could go wrong, it does.

Someone recently said to me, “If you want A, but prepare for B, B always happens.” Hmmm...

Why not decide to be right and happy? Go ahead and think that it’s possible, that it will work out and that you’ll be better than ok.

Just a thought,

Cheri

It's not so much the heat...it's the humidity...

Hello, lovely readers!

It's amazing how hot it has managed to get the past few days...and all this heat does have a tendency to slow us down quite a bit.

First, don't let the heat stop you for following through with your plan...if you can't stomach a hot run in the park, then try going to the gym instead. No need to bail on a workout altogether. If mother nature is an excuse today, it will be for a while...it's only the beginning of August!

If you must blow off a project at home or some other plan to get something done, remember, all you have to do is reschedule with yourself. Pretend you are someone that you were planning on meeting up with to do the project and call yourself up and reschedule the task. Treat yourself like you would someone else and you're on your way to guilt free, summer afternoon.

Peace,

Cheri

Think About What You're Thinking About!

Hello!

We have all heard that thoughts are things...but it's just so hard to believe! Let's take this concept from a physiological perspective.

Your brain will do anything that it can to get you what you think about...that's why you always see the car that you were thinking about buying (in the color that you want!) everywhere you look. However, your brain also thinks that you spend all of your time thinking about things that you want rather than things that you don't want (Silly brain!).

This is actually a survival technique. So back in the cave man days, when you became obsessed with thinking about shelter so you wouldn't freeze and wild boars so you wouldn't starve, your brain was wired to actually seek out what you were so focused on in order to keep you alive.

Your brain also likes to think in pictures. So, when you're having trouble visualizing or thinking about what you want, picture it in your mind's eye and be sure that what you don't want is not there. So, basically, you're picturing a perfect driving record while you're getting pulled over, instead of a ticket with an X through it. Simple, huh? Try it. I always say, "What if it works???"

Thoughts are things, people! And, don't you forget it!

Peace,

Cheri

Feeling busy? Overwhelmed? Stressed Out?

Hello!

I’m wondering, are you feeling especially busy, overwhelmed or stressed out?

Really???

That's great news! Consider yourself a lucky ducky!

You mean to tell me that you're not running around looking for shelter or your next meal? You have moved on, gotten those needs met and you're working on what you need to be doing and what you want...sounds like you may even have some ambition and ideas and you're putting them to work. Good for you!

So, there's nothing to stress about....there isn't, I swear! I'll prove it. Go out and find me a big bucket of stress and drop it off at my place. What? You can't find stress anywhere?

That's because you are creating it. You are imagining it. And what you think about, you bring about, baby! Change the way you are thinking right now....and practice, practice, practice.

Why? Well, I keep telling you that your thoughts are things and that your beliefs are simply thoughts that you’ve had over and over so you better start thinking hard about what you’re spending your time thinking about...

But let’s not get into all of that now...just know it and live it, ok? :)

Back to you, busy bee...

Think about this...When you’re at your busiest, isn’t it just a teensy bit fun? If not, is there any way you could begin thinking of it as fun? Don’t just quickly answer, “um, no, Cheri. I’m slammed at work and the kids have camp and soccer and I volunteered at the church...”, etc. Really think about it. It is a little fun isn’t it? Just a little bit? Well, try thinking of it as fun and voila! your mind is so powerful it just may become so...

It’s that creating your reality with your thoughts again thing, huh?

Yep!

Just a quick tip on helping you feel like you have a handle on things when things are getting really busy. Keep that stress (that you are creating) from getting to you by putting all of it in your planner. I mean all of it! If you go to church every Sunday, I don't care, put it in there! A part of you hangs on to all those things you have to do and places you need to be, even if it's the same every week. Let it all go, darlin'! Use ical or blackberry or iphone or however you roll and put every single thing in it so you can stop thinking about it altogether. Make way for some new, original thoughts! Whoohooooo!

Let me leave you with this...

Know that if you weren't working on whatever you're working on right now, you would be working on something else....and that, my friend, is a blessing.

Please feel free to forward this newsletter along...Perhaps you know someone who needs to be reminded that stress just isn’t real.

I have a video blog too! Check out my new "vlog” on how to stop procrastinating little by little at http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist.

I’ll be doing a new video blog this week, just tell me what you’d like me to talk about...hit me up at cheri@thestresstherapist.com. I am officially taking requests!

I would love to hear about what's holding you back or any ideas you would like addressed in my newsletter. Feedback and comments are always welcome. Just shoot me an email at cheri@thestresstherapist.com.

If you need a hand with your new, healthy habits, hit me up anytime. Remember, I offer a FREE, face to face, 20-minute consultation.

Let it go, stay pumped, get it done, be you and go get it!

Peace,

Cheri

Thoughts Are Things!

Hello!

Remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live? You know, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me!" As funny as we thought that character was, Stuart was actually on to something.

Beliefs are simply thoughts that we have had over and over. That's why affirmations work...you simply need to change your thoughts and repeat them until you think the new thought so much, you actually believe it.

Stuart Smalley was smart to keep repeating his affirmation. Perhaps, that's why everybody does really like him! So, get creative! Try out, "I love my being at my ideal weight.." Or, "I make tons of money doing what I love." The options are endless.

Peace,

Cheri

Stop Procrastination Little By Little

Hello!

Blowing off an hour run is always easy when we've all got so much to do these days! The truth is, you will have more luck sticking to your habits if you try doing things on a smaller scale, rather than not at all.

Whining away running around the block a few times for a 15 minute run because, well, it's only 15 minutes, will only work against you. Instead, let that excuse be the very reason that you do go for that short run.

Remember, 15 minutes is better than 0 minutes, right? And does "I don't have time" truly apply if you spent 43 minutes last night on Facebook looking at a friend of a friend's wedding pictures?

Challenge yourself to do things even for a short time. In the end, something is always better than nothing...no matter how small.

Peace,

Cheri

Don't just get motivated...stay motivated!

We seem to always find it in us to get motivated, but how do we stay motivated?

One piece of information that is often unknown, but imperative to your success in either getting something done or even creating a new, healthy habit, is this: Motivation comes after action, not before.

If you swear that this can't be the case, you may be confusing inspiration with motivation.

Inspiration will only get you so far...So, if you're waiting until you feel like to doing something, you could be waiting for quite some time.

This is actually good news because then you are always in control and not waiting for something outside of you to get the job done.

Force yourself to do the littlest something, and your motivation will start rolling.

Peace,

Cheri

How to make running a habit...

Hello!

So many of my clients are interested in making exercise a regular habit. I decided to use running as an example...check out my new video blogs on how to make running a habit...

http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist?feature=mhw4

Peace,

Cheri

Give up your "shoulds and "oughts" for good...

Hello!

I am a big proponent of giving up the "S" word. It never makes you feel good to think about what you should be doing...you just feel bad and guilty instead. So, I tell my clients to replace them all with "I'm working on..", "it would be nice if...", or "I want to start..." This will leave you feeling hopeful, motivated and feeling good instead of obligated, wistful and defeated.

Remember, most of the things that we want to be doing are things that we have been telling ourselves that we should be doing. If not, then we're getting into the gray areas of "have tos." These can also leaving you feeling bad, as well. Here is a way to get things clearer in your head and moving onto more productive, good feelings.

For me, a "have to" is doing my taxes. Let me clarify, I don't even have to "do" them actually, but just prepare them for my accountant. It's a pain for me because I own two business and I am just not a left brained person.

"Should" I do my taxes? Yes.

Do I "want" to do my taxes? No.

But, don't I "have to?" Yes?

I want a successful business so, yes, I do want to do all that I can to do to be successful and that includes getting my taxes done. So, in this case, I do actually want to do my taxes.

I will go to jail (or get a huge fine!) if I don't do my taxes, so I guess I have to...but didn't I just learn that I actually want to do my taxes? Why not just replace my shoulds and have toss with wants?

Why not, it's true, isn't it???

Think about whether the things that you are "shoulding" about are things that you actually want...may make a difference in the procrastination department.

Peace,

Cheri

Know the Difference Between Your Mind and Your Brain!

Hello!

Is you brain holding you back from making the awesome changes in your life? Could be...

Your brain has this physiological survival technique that may be hindering you from keeping up with your healthy habits.

Your brain likes to regulate everything in your body so it hums and works perfectly. Unfortunately, this often includes manipulating your thoughts and your behaviors, as well. Your brain is obsessed with status quo and sameness because it has kept you safe and sound in the past. This is good in some ways, I mean, who wants to think about breathing all day? But it also can keep your good ideas and desires and from coming to their fruition. Your brain will do anything to hold you back and keep you doing what's been working just fine.

Where does that leave you? Stuck in a rut!

Click here to watch my Video Blog about how to know the difference between when your brain and your mind, "who" is talking to you and how it all works so you get out of that rut and back on track toward what you really want in your life!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhYcAWCDyvU

Peace,

Cheri

What do you REALLY want??? Think about it...

Happy New Year!

So…Now that the presents have been opened and the parties all cleaned up, what do you have left??? A brand, new shiny year, just waiting to be filled up with all of your amazing ideas coming to their fruition!

We talked about the New Year’s Resolutionist’s Mistake, so I know you didn’t try to miraculously change in ten different ways on January 1^st, thereby inviting disappointment and feelings of failure. Good for you! So, where do you go from here? How do we make this New Year look better than all the rest?

Be Very Specific About What You Want

First, let’s get a clear picture of what you want. The first step in goal setting is really getting a handle on what it is, exactly, that you want. You’ll need to visualize it, very specifically. When you are thinking about driving that specific Mercedes around that you really, really want, do you picture yourself on a bus??? Stranded on the side of the road? No way! That’s why wherever you look you constantly see that make and model and even in the color you want. You’re brain is an expert at seeking out what you think about the most.

Why is that so? Your brain is wired that way as a survival mechanism. Think about our ancient ancestors, who were obsessed with finding food in the winter…they were thinking about boars, deer, anything to get nourishment. That’s all their brains could see, and it provided clarity, structure, and most importantly, abundant food in their lives.

It’s all up to you. It’s all in your thoughts…you have the control. You have 100% responsibility with your thoughts. You can think about whatever you want whenever you want.

When you go through this exercise, you may find that you’ve been thinking about what you don’t want, and that’s not helpful. I know it is often difficult to see what we dream about without seeing the obstacles that could arise or what has held us back in the past. New clients, when asked what they want, frequently begin with “Well, I know what I don’t want…” But in order to harness your brain’s amazing ability to move you toward your goals, you need a clear picture of what you affirmatively want, not the opposite.

I can tell you from experience that visualization works! A client recently told me that he has found the love of his life -- and attributed this life-changing, awesome event to working on an exercise with me where we spelled out exactly what his perfect, life partner might do, say, look like, enjoy…everything! I’m just saying…you know my motto: What if it works???

Don’t Worry about the “Hows”

Next, don’t sweat the details. We really get bogged down with thinking about how something is going to happen, or more accurately, how something is NOT going to happen when we start thinking about what we want. This is truly a waste of time. In fact, you end up vividly visualizing exactly the opposite of what you want! When you notice yourself doing this, go ahead and make a car brake noise in your head-

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Then, begin thinking about what you want.

“Hows" are useless. I mean, did you know how you would meet your spouse? How you would meet the hook up for your new job? How you make new friends in elementary school. How you would grow ears in the womb????

No. You just knew you wanted all of those things.

And we seem to only do this when we think about getting what we want. Are you bogged down with writing that report because you worried about how email works when you send it? Do you fret about dinner because you can’t imagine how the oven works?

No. You count on those things. You assume that they will work for you.

Your brain will too.

Just give it a chance.

Think about it. Visualize it. Talk about it. Surround yourself with it. Hang out with people who have it. Live as though you know you’ll get it.

Isn’t that how you got everything you already have???

So, tell me, what do you really, really want???

Please feel free to forward this blog along...Perhaps you know someone who needs some work on thinking about what they really, really want this year.

I have a video blog too! Check out my new "vlog" about the “when-then” at HYPERLINK "http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist" http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist.

If you need a hand with your new, healthy habits, hit me up anytime. Remember, I offer a FREE, face to face, 20-minute consultation.

Let it go, stay pumped, get it done, be you and go get it!

Peace,

Cheri

Follow me on Twitter! Click here: HYPERLINK "http://twitter.com/stresstherapy" http://twitter.com/stresstherapy

Teaching you the habits you can't wait to pick up!