Beat Holiday Stress - How to Stop Creating It

Hello lovely reader!

If I told you to go out and fill your trunk up stress, you couldn't do it.  We create stress.  So, during the holidays especially, make an effort to simply stop creating stress.  How?

1. See it now, buy it now!  If you know that you are going to eventually pick up a gift card for your mailman and your uncle, buy it now while you're waiting for your latte at Starbucks or while you're grabbing wine at the grocery store. Be flexible.  You don't need to be "officially holiday shopping" to get a couple people checked off of the list.  If you know that your sister would just love those salt and pepper shakers, pick them up right now.  Trying to remember what you saw, where you saw and who it was perfect for is only added stress you don't need and can prevent.

2. USE your smart phone.  If you can do it in two minutes or less, do it now.  If not, put it in your reminders and better yet, block off the time consuming ideas in your calendar so you have actually created a place to get it all done.  Put EVERYTHING in your phone.  Even recurring appointments, payments and tasks.  This will literally free your mind up for more creative thought, and perhaps, even some thoughts of holiday cheer.

3. Stop thinking about what you have to do.  Your brain doesn't know the difference between thinking about doing something or actually doing something.  So, if you're continually ruminating about what you have to do, your brain thinks that you have been working on it, and furthermore, getting absolutely no where.  This leads to the phenomena of thinking that something will be way harder and take longer to complete than it actually will.

4. Think happy thoughts.  When you think about something enough and get no where in completing it, you begin to dread it.  Since your brain will avoid anything associated with displeasure or pain, you can be sure it will keep you far from anything that you're dreading or thinking will be miserable.  This furthers the procrastination problem leading to stressful thoughts.  A nice mantra to take on, even if you don't believe it now is, "it's easy and I like it!" Don't worry.  All you have to do is think something enough for it to become a belief.  Keep thinking that it's easy and fun and lo and behold, it will eventually become so.

3. Don't put everything off until "after the holidays." No magical time slots open up after January 1st and when they do, we usually head for Mexico.  This is just setting up the beginning of the new year for a lot to do.  See what you can squeeze in. It's way more than you think because you may already be grappling with the procrastination time distortion situation that I described in #3.  Especially make time for the fun things like lunch with a friend or game night with the neighbors.  This is not adding to the stress, it's probably more likely relieving it a bit. 

Peace, love, and all things wonderful,

Cheri

Avoid the New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake!

Hello, my lovely New Year's Resolutionists! 

It's that time of year...You may be thinking about your New Year’s Resolutions for 2013.

If you know me, you know I'm not the biggest fan of New Year's Resolutions…well, at least, how they traditionally work…Why, you ask? 

Three reasons! 

1. Resolutions Start at the Goal 

New Year's Resolutions often have you starting at your goal rather than working toward your goal. "I'm going to start eating healthy on January 1st" leaves no room for gradual change and therefore, means a lower success rate. 

Believe me, if I could, I would eat all of my meals for the whole year in one day. One big trip to Publix and whole day of pig out and I just saved time, money and hassle! But your body won't allow it…it needs food little by little. And that's how your brain is; it's a part of your body, remember? It almost always needs change little by little if you want to implement new, long-term behavior.

Interesting that I never hear resolutionists who want to learn how to play the guitar say that starting January 1st, they are going to play Jimi Hendrix licks. Why is it different to say you'll start right away by running two miles three times a week? It's actually not different at all. Just because you can run two miles, doesn't mean that you will continue to do it on any regular basis. Your brain will rarely let you...it needs change little by little…just like it needs food. This is why starting at your goal sets you up for a downfall.

Of course, every time I tell someone this, they say, "but I don't want to work on my novel for 20 minutes three times a week! I want to work on it 2 hours a night five times a week!" That's the finish line, not the start! Are you going to concerts to hear the encore? You are working on developing a new habit here…something that's a part of you, something you will enjoy. Twenty minutes will always be better than zero minutes 100% of the time. Get through this thinking trap by remembering that something always better than nothing.

2. New Year's Resolutions Lack Contemplation and Preparation 

Often, usually in December, when I hear someone talk about an upcoming New Year's Resolution, they may mention it - but then quickly change the subject. The resolution takes on an "I'm not worrying about that until January 1st" feel. 

When you decide that you want to start a new habit, you'll want to take some time to think about it, ponder it and prepare for it. It may even need a tweak or two. Give your brain some time to get used to the idea of what it will mean for you on a day to day basis. Putting off all thoughts about your new habit until January 1st doesn't give you time to get your head wrapped around this new idea. 

Remember, your brain likes gradual change. Begin noting when would be a "good time" or a "bad time" for your new habit. Make some adjustments in your schedule. Simply observe (without judgment) your current behaviors and habits with the intention of learning how to make it work. Then you can begin acting as if your new habit is already in action. 

If you'd like to play your piano daily, go buy some music, have the piano tuned, clean up your music space and your instrument. Prepare and allow yourself to really feel good about the what you want to change and the journey that you are about to take. Feeling good is the key to success.  

If you feel bad about what you're not doing, your brain associates the behavior and makes sure you avoid it.  Since your brain is wired up to avoid all unpleasant tasks or anything considered boring or hard, it will do you the "favor" of keeping you far from it.  This is true even if it's something you truly want or even something that would be healthier for you.  Do whatever you can to feel good about what you want.  It's most of the battle.  

Another idea is to tell someone else all about your new habit! I don't just mean mentioning, "My New Year's Resolution is to get organized." Find a buddy that wants it too and go shopping at the Container Store, or find a family member who's handy and build a bookshelf. Find an accountability partner who wants to go to church or synagogue with you every weekend, and then drive together. And believe me, you'll be far more likely to go to a spinning class if your neighbor is at your door, dressed and ready to ride.

3. New Year's Resolutions May Perpetuate Harmful Beliefs 

One last thought: If you have not had luck with your resolutions in the past, not sticking to your commitments to yourself can start to weigh heavily on you and may get you believing some mean and frankly untrue things about yourself. This is unnecessary and totally preventable. 

Take another look at your resolutions and start them on a Tuesday, on February 3rd, or Saturday, January 31st or whenever it makes sense for you. You know, it’s not impossible to start resolutions even on December 23rd or December 26th. In fact, it’s quite empowering…try it! 

Think of New Year's Resolutions as not having a start date, but having a year goal.  Make goals for 2013 that begin with a plan that has periodic, realistic goals along the way and will last throughout the whole year. Make 2013 your year rather than January 1st just your day, Don’t be that guy at the gym that is gone come March...Incremental change with clear realistic goals and flexible plans will bring change that lasts and lasts.

Peace, Love and Happy Holidays (and resolutions!), 

Cheri

See It Now, Buy It NOW.

Hello, Lovely Readers!

I know it's only about to be Halloween, but there is just no reason not to nip some of your holiday shopping in the bud now.  

I don't mean going on long, involved shopping endeavors, instead adopt the by the little by little mentality.  

If you already know that you will give your mailman a $5 gift card from Starbucks, why not pick it up the next time you're ordering a latte?  Those goofy salt and pepper shakers are perfect for you sister-in-law, she would love them...so, go ahead and buy them!  

We say to ourselves over and over, I'll come back for this or that...but why make more work, errands and trouble for youself?  

See it now, buy it now.  

This will make budgeting easier because it's over a longer span of time and it'll be like Christmas morning for you when you go to see all the finds that you already have when the hustle and bustle is in full swing.  


Peace,
Cheri

Think it! Park it! Do it!

A great rule of thumb in getting it all done is this: 
If you can do it in two minutes, do it RIGHT NOW. 

If you can't, learn to rely a little more on your smart phone.  Why carry it all around in your head if Siri can keep all of it organized for you?    

Researchers say that we have about 60,000 thoughts a day.  And further, about 55,000 of those thoughts are the same ones that you had yesterday and the day before, and the day before, and the day before...

Empty your brain out a bit and make some room for some creative thoughts. There are some great reminder apps like, Tell Me Later, but your phone most likely has its own little reminder system that is easy to use and way more reliable than your brain, anyway.  

Set up your preschool payment to come up every month on the 1st and your credit card payment bi weekly so you never miss a payment.  Get creative. 

Stop thinking about what you need to do, and give it a place to park until you actually have to do it.

Peace, 
Cheri

Are You A Procrastitasker???

Hello, Lovely Reader!

I learned an interesting word at the VOX Magazine Annual Spelling Bee this week. During the practice round, spellers were given teen friendly words that may or may actually be in the Webster's Dictionary.  One such word was "Protaskitasking." 

Essentially, this word means to get busy doing something while actively procrastinating on another task.  

I love this word! 

We have all done this, right? Busy, busy busy while something we wish we were doing is looming somewhere in the back of our minds.  We rationalize that the current task at hand is important, but this is merely to fool ourselves into believing that we are not in fact, procrastinating. 

Here are a couple of things to remember the next time you are "procrasitasking." 

1. Your brain doesn't know the difference between thinking about doing something or actually doing something, so your procrastination is going to feel way worse if it's found a place to bug you in your mind.  Get it out by just doing the procrastinated task or forgetting about it entirely so you are only thinking about doing something when you actually are doing something.  

2. Plato said, "Time that you enjoy spending is not wasted time." It's likely that the task that you are busying yourself with is actually enjoyable.  Why not reward yourself with this task after you finish the procrastinated task? If you enjoy doing something, go ahead and allow yourself to fully enjoy it, rather than just sort of enjoy it with something else you need to do bugging you essentially ruining your good time.  

Nip that procrastitasking in the bud and move on...the best thing about what you used to do is that it's over. Move on to a new way of getting it all done and enjoy a little happier living.

Peace, 


Cheri

Things Have A Way of Working Out...Perfectly.

Yes, hindsight is always 20/20, but why wait?  

I once got a fax (!) from my boss on a Friday that said we would be closed on Monday and I thought this was the end of the world.  Turned out, it was the opportunity of a lifetime and guided me right toward opening my own business.  

Everyone has felt like this at one time or another.  In your life, when has something that you thought was awful actually turn out to be your best teacher? Or helped you avoid something far worse? 

Sometimes, why something is happening to us still leaves us wondering, but doesn't it just feel better to go along and assume that things just have a way of working out in the end?  Don't they, anyway? 

The world means nothing without our perceptions and interpretations so go ahead take the reigns and decide now that you will change the way you will handle something that goes "wrong." It's way easier to roll with the punches as long as you can remember that you may end up later being actually thankful for our "misfortunes."

 It may make you wonder if it's possible that things are exactly how they are supposed to be...that when we interpret something that is "inconvenient" or even "horrible" that it could actually be all a part of a grander plan that we just cannot see in the moment.  

I write this today as my foot sits in its post op boot, with crutches at my side, watching my mom outside running around with my kids while planning my family's move for this weekend.  

Is it really just a drag, or a lesson or perhaps, even a gift for me? 

So far, I know I'm learning how to let people do things for me.  I've allowed myself to slow down.  Could it be an awakening for my husband? I've never felt so appreciated for all that I do for us. 

I don't know. 

I probably never will, but thinking these thoughts feel much better than feeling sorry for myself, getting down or asking, "why me?" or "why now?," that's for sure.

I’m relishing in the small pleasures I can see right now. Like watching my 3 and 1 year old bedazzle my boot. Love is all around. Sometimes you just have to look a little harder.

Peace, 

Cheri

Firework Living

Hello!

There is nothing like fireworks to get you in a present moment state of mind.  A burst of brilliance can really force your attention into the now.  

The ooooohs and aaaaahs bring us back every year. It's easy to get lost at a firework show.  

But, why do we need such events to force us to see what is right now?  

It's true - the past is over and done with, you can't change it or live in it's wake.  The future is simply an impression of what has already happened...a foreshadow of what you expect because of what you have experienced. 

Neither the past nor the future is real...all we have is the present.  

So, why are we constantly racing to the next minute while wallowing in our stories of our past? 

There is a lot of talk about being present and enjoying the moment, why do we find it so hard? 

Use the fireworks this year as your personal meditative guide and just decide now to make it easy. Take your awe and appreciation with you to your ride to work, into your kitchen and into the sauce your toddler helps you stir.  

You don't need to meditate twice a day for an hour to experience now.  Awareness is the first step. 

Now, just ask yourself: Where in your everyday life can you spark wonder and awe in the absence of fireworks? 

Peace,

Cheri

Alligator Ride, Anyone???

Hello Lovely Reader!

Last week, I told my almost 3 year old son, Owen that on Monday morning, we would be going to see his daddy where he works. I gave him the various details about when we would go and how long it would take to get there. He seemed particularly interested in the fact that daddy works in such a large building.

The idea of this excursion was very exciting for him all weekend. And, sure enough, on Monday morning, he exclaimed, “Today we are going to daddy’s work and we’re going to ride an alligator!”

Thinking that it may be somewhat of a blow, I said, “Oh no, honey. We are going to ride in an elevator.”

His response? “Holy craps! Really??!!!”

Now, it wasn’t my proudest mommy moment. Obviously, I need to reassess my phrases of exclamation, but I was really touched by this response.

Here’s a kid who finds riding on an elevator as alluring, or perhaps even more wonderful, than riding an alligator!

An elevator is something so everyday, something that has become boring for most of us adults. It seems A LOT in our lives is the same way...same old, same old...

Now, I ask you, must we be wowed to be excited? Does it have to be new in order to be amazing? Do we need something to be impressive in order for it to have meaning for us? Where did our wonder go?

When we did take that 20 floor elevator ride to daddy’s office, the climb up with a car full of people really was exciting. Owen jumped about, pressed the buttons, tried to run out every time the door opened and cried, “oooooooooooh” when we elevated.

I watched everyone stare at him with, dare I say it...envy???

Where in your life can you really ride an elevator this week, not just take the elevator? Furthermore, can you enjoy your daily, everyday tasks and occurrences with a gusto and anticipation as if you were about to go on an alligator ride???

Just because it’s normal, doesn’t mean it isn’t exciting. Just because it happens every day, doesn’t mean it isn’t wonderful and amazing.

This evening, I took Owen with me outside to cut basil to throw into the marinara sauce cooking on the stove. He listened as I explained this to him and then shouted with undeniable glee, “I can’t believe what we’re talking about! We are going to EAT that plant! I want to eat it! I do! I do!”

So, I jumped up and down right with him and yelled, “Me too! Me too! Whoohooooooo!”

Be a child. Wonder at the world. Appreciate. Thank. This really is an amazing place. Noticing it will just make you feel good and that’s what it’s all about.

Peace, Cheri

No Brainer To Do Lists, Reminders and Calendar Keeping

It is assumed that if you live here in America, you are busy. 


Remember this, if you're thinking about doing something, your brain doesn't know the difference between thinking about doing something or actually doing it. Crazy, huh? 


This is why you feel so awful when you put things off. Your brain thinks that it has been working on whatever you have been putting off every time you think about it. Furthermore, because you have only been thinking about it, your brain thinks you're really getting nowhere with the task at hand!  And, sadly, this is right.  


Make technology work FOR you.  I spend a lot of time with my clients just teaching them the tricks and tips of their smartphone. Set up automatic AND recurring reminders every 2 weeks to pay your credit card so you're never late. Record in your "notes" the salsa ingredients that your husband loves so you don't forget something at the grocery store. If you need to buy your kid's teacher an end of the year gift and it's in your to do list, that errand needs needs a home in your calendar where you actually mark off time to run to Macy's for a gift card. If you see a recipe you like on the Dr. Oz show, take a picture of your TV screen and your dry erase grocery list at home and have it handy at the grocery store. 


Nowadays, there is absolutely no reason to be thinking about anything that needs to be done, or that you're afraid that you might forget.  


Free up space in your head for some creative, new, relaxing fun thoughts, not the 60,000 thoughts you had yesterday.


Peace, 
Cheri

Stress Less and Toss the Traditional Baby Book

There is a lot of pressure on moms to record and keep everything that their babies do from birth to high school graduation. A lot of these expected practices just may not fit your organizational personality or frankly, your busy schedule.

Let go of the expectations or the guilties and consider getting really creative with your keepsakes and memoirs and just do it your way.

You may not be comfortable keeping a Mommy Blog, but may like the idea of just keeping a simple YouTube station for funny videos. Maybe you'd like to take four hours out of a day once a year to construct a milestone book with Shutterfly or Snapfish. Or, maybe you're more like me and you would rather spend less than a minute every night before you go to bed to just write one sentence about being a mom or sweet things your baby does (If this practice appeals to you, try this journal. It's perfect http://www.amazon.com/Moms-One-Line-Chronicle-Books/dp/B005HBSY1E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1333392887&sr=8-1).

Perhaps, you just want to remember the funny things that your kid said to you and only do some journaling for those funny moments (If this is your speed, try My Quotable Kid,http://www.amazon.com/My-Quotable-Kid-Parents-Unforgettable/dp/0811868842/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333393089&sr=1-1).

Recently, I've taken up a new millenium style type of journaling. I post what I want to remember about my kids, and then take a picture of my FB screen on my smartphone forever chronicalling my kids' milestones in my personal photo database, while at the same time, providing some sweet information for my friends and family.

Filling out every line in a baby book may be your style...then again, it may not. Be creative and remember these precious moments with your kids in ways that make you excited about keeping a personal record rather than rotten about the way you "should" be doing it.

Peace,

Cheri

Mindful Eating

New Year's Resolutions, Lent, whatever your promises are to yourself this year, I can almost guarantee that one or two are fitness related.

The next time you have a meal, try Mindful Eating.

First, prepare it alone, with little distraction. No TV, no phone, no radio. No noise. Silently prepare it and think about everything that goes into it. Really ONLY think about the ingredients...when you start to think of something else, redirect your thoughts back to the sandwich, the salad, the pasta, whatever...

Then, sit alone in continued silence. Begin to eat mindfully.

Think about the nurturing and care that you are putting into your body. The love. Chew each bite mindfully, that is, not automatically. Taste it. Think about it. Really enjoy it. Go ahead and put your hands down, or your fork, after every bite.

Stop eating when you are no longer hungry or 80% full. Even if there is some left. Think about the baby that gobbles up pancakes and licks every finger right up until she is frankly, full. No matter how good the pancakes are, she listens to her body.

Listen to yours, now.

Peace,

Cheri