The Stress Therapist's Blog

The Quick Guide To New Year's Resolutions: Get it Right this Year!

2011-12-29T11:53:00.000-08:00

I’m not the biggest fan of New Year’s Resolutions…at least not in the way we typically go about them.

Three reasons!

New Year’s Resolutions Start at the GOAL

New Year’s Resolutions often having you starting right at your goal rather than working toward your goal. January 1st is not a magical day. You have to start somewhere and work up to your goal date. The only way to make change last is by implementing it into your life little by little.

New Year’s Resolutions Lack

Contemplation and Preparation

Often, usually in December, when I hear someone talk abut their upcoming New Year’s Resolution, they may mention it, but usually avoid the subject.

When you decide that you want to start a new habit, you’ll want to take some time to think about it and prepare for it. Let your brain begin to associate you with the new behavior in a positive way. Visualize how it can fit into your schedule. Buy what you'll need to accomplish it.

Talk about your new habit, think about it, hang out with people that do it and learn about what they do, have and are because they do it.

New Year’s Resolutions Can Be Lonely

Find an accountability partner that has the same goal as you. Believe me, you’ll be way more likely to go to a spinning class if your neighbor is at your door, dressed and ready to ride!

New Year’s Resolutions Perpetuate Harmful Beliefs

Your beliefs are simply thoughts that you have over and over. If you keep on falling short at bringing a new healthy habit into your life, you may start to think that you’re a failure, or someone that just can’t change. Keep in mind, these thoughts aren't even true! If you think these thoughts enough, you begin to believe them and if you believe them you may stop trying to change altogether.

Keep in mind, New Year's Resolutions are my specialty! Poke around my website for tons of information on how to make change last for good.

Also, I am currently offering my signature talk for FREE right now, if I haven't ever spoken at your organization, school or business.

Happy New Year!

Cheri

The "After the Holidays..." Put Off

2011-11-28T14:39:00.000-08:00

Before you casually throw out another, "I'lll get to that after the holidays," take a moment to think about how really far off that is...

I mean, if we're talking about after New Year's Day, that's THIRTY FIVE days from now! That's exactly, FIVE WEEKS from now...

And who knows how long you've been spouting off this procrastination phrase BEFORE Thanksgiving even showed up!

Really?? You can't work in a lunch date or a fun get together?

Yes, the month of December is busy, but I think most of us tend to really overestimate how much we have going on and really overestimate how much magical time is going to show up at our door come January.

So, just give it a little thought before you put it off is all I'm suggesting. Me? I started my 5 lb. weight loss plan on Friday. Yep! Right in the middle of the holiday craziness. Wish me luck...I'm just sayin' why put it off???

Speaking of January! NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONISTS! I'm talking to YOU! Go here http://web.me.com/cheriflake/The_Stress_Therapist/Newsletter_Archives_files/The%20New%20Year%27s%20Resolutionist%27s%20Mistake%20pdf.pdf

to learn about the NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONIST'S MISTAKE! Don't make it and call me if you need a hand, New Year's Resolutions are my specialty and I can get you on track and changing for good.

Remember, I offer a FREE 20 minute consultation.

Happy Holidays,

Cheri

Be Early and Be Merry!

2011-10-31T09:23:00.000-07:00

Rather than kill yourself this holiday season, start now little by little to get the job done.

This doesn't mean that you need to lug out the tree just yet...just buy things that you will need as you see them. This means ending the, "I'll come back for that" lie that lends to the stress of the season as the holidays approach.

Buy. It. NOW.

I get it if you are looking for a better deal or waiting on a sale, but otherwise, go for it. Stash away all of the goodies and gifts that you buy before Thanksgiving and when you go to get organized for the holidays, it will be like Christmas for you when you discover that you've already gotten a few gifts out of the way!

Stopping for a coffee? Buy a gift card for your mailman. Grabbing some milk? Check out the array of gift cards available near the check out line for stocking stuffers. Need a dress for that cocktail party? Pick up a sweater for your sister, too. You'll be amazed how much you can get done so early.

The kicker is that these early gifts will actually be thoughtful ones since it's not a last minute obligatory buy.

Who knows? Without the stress of the crazy, last minute, hustle and bustle, you may get a chance to actually enjoy the season this year!

Yay!

Peace,

Cheri

How to Stay Motivated...

2011-09-29T12:44:00.000-07:00

How Motivation Works 101:

The most important and often overlooked concept here is this:

Motivation comes after action, never before.

So, you'll have to get yourself moving, just the littlest bit, to start breeding the motivation to stick to something.

If this doesn't make any sense to you, you may be confusing inspiration with motivation.

Getting inspired is easy...a flower, a Rocky movie, a song...but staying motivated is the trick to long-term change.

Only do a little something to get the motivation rolling. If you do too much, your brain will convince you that the new behavior is way too cumbersome and do whatever it can to get you to stop.

Once you start feeling good about being a runner, or a guitar player, or a Spanish speaker, stop after only a little bit of action to keep that motivation coming to get you back in your running shoes, picking up the guitar and practicing your Spanish. Although it may be counterintuitive, restricting the desired behavior that you want, will get you wanting more and more of it, so stop the new behavior just when you're in the height of feeling good about it.

Knowing that motivation comes after action, taking the little by little approach and restricting your new, desired behavior regularly will do more then just get you motivated, it will actually keep you motivated!

Peace,

Cheri

Thinking Backwards...

2011-08-30T08:44:00.000-07:00

If you are waiting for one thing to happen in order to make something else happen, you may want to stop waiting and get on it...

One of my clients today, who loves to decorate, said that she wants to buy a new painting for her dining room, but just can’t until the whole house is perfectly clean and tidy. “I mean, what’s the point, if the whole house seems a mess?”

I suggested to her that since your home is always a work in progress, and nothing will ever be perfect, she may feel motivated to get her house in order and keep it clean if she surrounds herself with beautiful things that she loves. The painting may inspire her to put away things that make it ugly or make her feel anxious.

Remember, feeling good is the goal.

Peace,

Cheri

Get it done...Fast and Easy!

2011-07-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Sometimes when we are putting off things like crazy, when we finally get to them, it seems that we're in slow motion-making the task at hand all the more cumbersome.

The next time you are finally getting around to something that doesn't take a lot of brain power, try doing it as fast as you possibly can. Put on your ipod and try to clean out your car before the song is over or set your stop watch to 1 minute and see if you can empty the dishwasher or get your toddler dressed in record time.

Why prolong the dreaded?

Sometimes you can even burn an extra calorie or two if you do a task super fast-like housework or making your way around Target or Ikea to pick a few needed things up.

Also, your brain will love the way that you didn't waste any time on something that's not fun and be much more forgiving the next time the task makes it on your to do list-helping you stomp out the procrastination problem.

Peace,

Cheri

Do Everyone Else A Favor and Ask For Help...

2011-06-27T15:26:00.000-07:00

It's really hard...it's even harder, for some strange reason, if you're a woman. But, it's sometimes the very best thing that you can do for yourself.

Here's the kicker...if it still feels weird and impossible. Asking for help may actually be added to the long list of things that you are actually doing for other people.

People don't want to hear "busy" when they ask you how you're doing. They don't want to hear a diatribe of things you're angry or bitter about. Lastly, you'll have more fun and just be more pleasant to be around if you aren't weighed down, overworked, and overcommitted.

You can do it. Just not alone. And that's ok.

Peace,

Cheri

The Universe Often Knows Best...

2011-05-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when we are at a crossroads and we need to make a decision about something, the anxiety just from being undecided can be too much. Often, we haphazardly make a decision just to ease the anxiety and later find that we may have been a bit hasty.

The next time you find yourself just wanting the decision process to be over, take a moment, then a deep breath and ask yourself to be patient. Allow there to be some time between the presentation and the ultimate decision and you may begin to notice how the Universe is working at easing you toward one way of thinking or another. During the gap of indecision, there is opportunity to take in assistance to guide your way if you just be quiet. Listen. Notice. Allow.

The Universe may have something to tell you.

Peace,

Cheri

Try Walking Down A Different Street...

2011-01-31T11:28:00.000-08:00

We've all heard Einstein's definition of insanity, "...doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Being stuck can be incredibly stressful. The first step in changing our plan of attack is to realize that what we are doing isn't working.

I'd like to share a story with you that I heard from a talk by Dr. Wayne Dyer recently. I think it really illustrates how we need to change the way we think about things and behave, in order to get ourselves to move forward with change and progress in our lives. Here goes:

Chapter One of My Life

I walk down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It's not my fault. I still take forever to find a way up.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again, I can't believe I'm in the same place! It isn't my fault, but it still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there and I still fall in! It's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It's my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down a different street.

Peace,

Cheri

The New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake

2010-12-29T11:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not the biggest fan of New Year's Resolutions...why? First, New Year's Resolutions often start at the goal. Rarely, is there ever room for progress. Starting January 1st, all is changed. Your brain doesn't work like that and that's why come March the gyms are empty again.

Second, New Year's Resolutions lack contemplation and preparation. It's a good idea to get your brain on board by thinking and talking about what kind of change you want in your life. I encourage buying new running clothes, hanging out with runners and surfing runner's websites to get your brain believing that you are a runner now.

Lastly, New Year's Resolutions (and the lack of success that usually goes along with them) can perpetuate harmful beliefs about yourself and get you really down. All that being said, long term change is possible, just not in the way that we Americans have gone about it in the past.

Click here ( http://web.me.com/cheriflake/The_Stress_Therapist/Newsletter_Archives_files/The%20New%20Year%27s%20Resolutionist%27s%20Mistake%202011.pdf ) to learn about how you can avoid the New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake. Good luck to you in your endeavors for long term healthy changes in your life!

Peace, Love and Happy New Year,

Cheri

Something to be thankful for...

2010-11-24T12:35:00.000-08:00

While you’re rushing around and cooking this and getting the holiday deal on that, and decorating everything and thinking of everyone, don’t let the hustle and bustle get you down.

Remember this: The frustrations and extra work that come along with the holidays are a gift. No need to stress about tangled up Christmas lights if you aren’t looking for your next meal. You are lucky enough to afford the bird in the oven and all of the presents that you’re wrapping. So, as annoying as all the work that goes into making the tree look beautiful can sometimes be, know how wonderful it is that you are able to surround yourself with beautiful things. Even though your cousin drives you nuts and your dad keeps hounding you, you were blessed with a family. You are not alone.

Everything that you’re working on is a blessing. Know that things that need to be done and bought and wrapped and thought of are all a gift. These things are only important because all of your other needs like food, shelter and water have been met.

So when you’re feeling annoyed or frustrated or tired of what the holiday season often brings us, remember that a holiday season to enjoy is truly your blessing.

Shake it off, chin up, smile big and allow yourself to feel good. You deserve it.

Happy Thanksgiving and bless you,

Cheri

Stop Catastrophizing! It's bad for you!

2010-10-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Since we know that we can’t actually produce stress out of thin air-that we can’t actually put it in our cars and drive it home from the store or wherever we can “find” it, we must know that we create it.

This is HUGE. If we create stress then all we have to do is stop creating it then, right? Right.

We create stress with our thoughts. A lot of times, it’s because we are catastrophizing all of our events. I often give my clients a “Catastrophizing Scale” so they can assess just how bad they are making it for themselves day to day.

In a nutshell, it works on 1 to 10 scale like this...Let’s say that not being able to find a parking spot is a “1” and something like the horrible Hurricane Katrina comes by and wipes out your house with every single thing you own AND every single person you love is a “10.”

What does that make an argument with your spouse? A flat tire? Losing your job???

Are you treating everything in your life like it’s a “10”???

This is not only living a lie, but very hard on your body since it uses physiological responses to “10s” that’ll get worn out in a hurry and leave you with faulty (bodily) equipment if everything is always a 10! I believe this is how illness sets in...

So, start putting things in perspective and rate your events appropriately. Stop hurting yourself!

I think you’ll feel a lot better.

Peace,

Cheri

Back To School, Yay!

2010-08-31T11:46:00.000-07:00

It’s about to be autumn...the kids are back in school and busy, busy, busy!

Did you too love your school supplies???

My love of new school supplies has contributed to my quest of an anti-procrastination way of living. This is something that you must refuse to outgrow! New school supplies that appeal to you may already be associated with getting it all done and can facilitate productive work. Isn’t there something about a brand new pen or a new notebook opening up for the first time, just for you??? The effect: the lovely feeling of organization and new beginnings.

The lovely part of growing up is that as you get older, “school supplies” just keep getting better and better! Pencil holders are replaced with PDAs, and who needs glitter pens or colored pencils when nothing says “I’m organized,” like an electronic label maker?

So, indulge your inner child and embrace the New Year with your kids...go shopping for your new school supplies!

Just be sure to never skimp on two things - a calendar that works like your brain does (You may notice that you tend to think in “weeks,” like me...Or are you more of a “daily” thinker?) and smaller notepads to leave in various locations to write down thoughts, quotes you like, a grocery list, or a book you want.

Buy separate notebooks for separate subjects, just like in high school - one for your ideas on redoing the kitchen, one for ideas on holiday gifts (Real Simple, my all time favorite brand of school supplies, makes a lovely gift ledger), one for your dreams, one for the family to write their vacation ideas, one for the brilliant ideas that you have at work...whatever you’re pondering...whatever subject you are currently studying.

Happy school supply shopping!

Peace,

Cheri

It's Time To Be Right AND Happy...

2010-08-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hello lovely readers!

We hear a lot of talk about “thinking positive” and “keeping your chin up,” and I am certainly in the camp that believes that making sure that your thoughts are in alignment with what you want is going to make your life better.

But, why, then is it so incredibly hard to do? Maybe it’s because “misery loves company,” or simply because so many of us still need to “see it to believe it,” but it’s hard to stay positive and count on the best outcome sometimes. It’s seems even harder to watch our loved ones do it when we think that they’ll probably end up disappointed.

So, we prepare for the worst. We wouldn’t want to be disappointed. We don’t put all of eggs in one basket.

I think that we all have a tendency to want to be right more than anything in the world. Sometimes even more than we want to be happy.

If thoughts are things...and there is more and more evidence that this is truly the case, then we are more in control of our destiny than we think and what we think about we bring about whether we believe it or not.

Incidentally, a great book that illustrates just this is The Field by Lynne McTaggart.

So, if we prepare to be disappointed, we are. If we talk about what could go wrong, it does.

Someone recently said to me, “If you want A, but prepare for B, B always happens.” Hmmm...

Why not decide to be right and happy? Go ahead and think that it’s possible, that it will work out and that you’ll be better than ok.

Just a thought,

Cheri

It's not so much the heat...it's the humidity...

2010-08-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, lovely readers!

It's amazing how hot it has managed to get the past few days...and all this heat does have a tendency to slow us down quite a bit.

First, don't let the heat stop you for following through with your plan...if you can't stomach a hot run in the park, then try going to the gym instead. No need to bail on a workout altogether. If mother nature is an excuse today, it will be for a while...it's only the beginning of August!

If you must blow off a project at home or some other plan to get something done, remember, all you have to do is reschedule with yourself. Pretend you are someone that you were planning on meeting up with to do the project and call yourself up and reschedule the task. Treat yourself like you would someone else and you're on your way to guilt free, summer afternoon.

Peace,

Cheri

Think About What You're Thinking About!

2010-06-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

Hello!

We have all heard that thoughts are things...but it's just so hard to believe! Let's take this concept from a physiological perspective.

Your brain will do anything that it can to get you what you think about...that's why you always see the car that you were thinking about buying (in the color that you want!) everywhere you look. However, your brain also thinks that you spend all of your time thinking about things that you want rather than things that you don't want (Silly brain!).

This is actually a survival technique. So back in the cave man days, when you became obsessed with thinking about shelter so you wouldn't freeze and wild boars so you wouldn't starve, your brain was wired to actually seek out what you were so focused on in order to keep you alive.

Your brain also likes to think in pictures. So, when you're having trouble visualizing or thinking about what you want, picture it in your mind's eye and be sure that what you don't want is not there. So, basically, you're picturing a perfect driving record while you're getting pulled over, instead of a ticket with an X through it. Simple, huh? Try it. I always say, "What if it works???"

Thoughts are things, people! And, don't you forget it!

Peace,

Cheri

Feeling busy? Overwhelmed? Stressed Out?

2010-06-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

Hello!

I’m wondering, are you feeling especially busy, overwhelmed or stressed out?

Really???

That's great news! Consider yourself a lucky ducky!

You mean to tell me that you're not running around looking for shelter or your next meal? You have moved on, gotten those needs met and you're working on what you need to be doing and what you want...sounds like you may even have some ambition and ideas and you're putting them to work. Good for you!

So, there's nothing to stress about....there isn't, I swear! I'll prove it. Go out and find me a big bucket of stress and drop it off at my place. What? You can't find stress anywhere?

That's because you are creating it. You are imagining it. And what you think about, you bring about, baby! Change the way you are thinking right now....and practice, practice, practice.

Why? Well, I keep telling you that your thoughts are things and that your beliefs are simply thoughts that you’ve had over and over so you better start thinking hard about what you’re spending your time thinking about...

But let’s not get into all of that now...just know it and live it, ok? :)

Back to you, busy bee...

Think about this...When you’re at your busiest, isn’t it just a teensy bit fun? If not, is there any way you could begin thinking of it as fun? Don’t just quickly answer, “um, no, Cheri. I’m slammed at work and the kids have camp and soccer and I volunteered at the church...”, etc. Really think about it. It is a little fun isn’t it? Just a little bit? Well, try thinking of it as fun and voila! your mind is so powerful it just may become so...

It’s that creating your reality with your thoughts again thing, huh?

Yep!

Just a quick tip on helping you feel like you have a handle on things when things are getting really busy. Keep that stress (that you are creating) from getting to you by putting all of it in your planner. I mean all of it! If you go to church every Sunday, I don't care, put it in there! A part of you hangs on to all those things you have to do and places you need to be, even if it's the same every week. Let it all go, darlin'! Use ical or blackberry or iphone or however you roll and put every single thing in it so you can stop thinking about it altogether. Make way for some new, original thoughts! Whoohooooo!

Let me leave you with this...

Know that if you weren't working on whatever you're working on right now, you would be working on something else....and that, my friend, is a blessing.

Please feel free to forward this newsletter along...Perhaps you know someone who needs to be reminded that stress just isn’t real.

I have a video blog too! Check out my new "vlog” on how to stop procrastinating little by little at http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist.

I’ll be doing a new video blog this week, just tell me what you’d like me to talk about...hit me up at cheri@thestresstherapist.com. I am officially taking requests!

I would love to hear about what's holding you back or any ideas you would like addressed in my newsletter. Feedback and comments are always welcome. Just shoot me an email at cheri@thestresstherapist.com.

If you need a hand with your new, healthy habits, hit me up anytime. Remember, I offer a FREE, face to face, 20-minute consultation.

Let it go, stay pumped, get it done, be you and go get it!

Peace,

Cheri

Thoughts Are Things!

2010-05-17T13:12:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live? You know, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me!" As funny as we thought that character was, Stuart was actually on to something.

Beliefs are simply thoughts that we have had over and over. That's why affirmations work...you simply need to change your thoughts and repeat them until you think the new thought so much, you actually believe it.

Stuart Smalley was smart to keep repeating his affirmation. Perhaps, that's why everybody does really like him! So, get creative! Try out, "I love my being at my ideal weight.." Or, "I make tons of money doing what I love." The options are endless.

Peace,

Cheri

Stop Procrastination Little By Little

2010-05-04T13:11:00.000-07:00

2010-04-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Blowing off an hour run is always easy when we've all got so much to do these days! The truth is, you will have more luck sticking to your habits if you try doing things on a smaller scale, rather than not at all.

Whining away running around the block a few times for a 15 minute run because, well, it's only 15 minutes, will only work against you. Instead, let that excuse be the very reason that you do go for that short run.

Remember, 15 minutes is better than 0 minutes, right? And does "I don't have time" truly apply if you spent 43 minutes last night on Facebook looking at a friend of a friend's wedding pictures?

Challenge yourself to do things even for a short time. In the end, something is always better than nothing...no matter how small.

Peace,

Cheri

Don't just get motivated...stay motivated!

2010-04-27T17:50:00.000-07:00

We seem to always find it in us to get motivated, but how do we stay motivated?

One piece of information that is often unknown, but imperative to your success in either getting something done or even creating a new, healthy habit, is this: Motivation comes after action, not before.

If you swear that this can't be the case, you may be confusing inspiration with motivation.

Inspiration will only get you so far...So, if you're waiting until you feel like to doing something, you could be waiting for quite some time.

This is actually good news because then you are always in control and not waiting for something outside of you to get the job done.

Force yourself to do the littlest something, and your motivation will start rolling.

Peace,

Cheri

How to make running a habit...

2010-03-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

Hello!

So many of my clients are interested in making exercise a regular habit. I decided to use running as an example...check out my new video blogs on how to make running a habit...

http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist?feature=mhw4

Peace,

Cheri

Give up your "shoulds and "oughts" for good...

2010-02-23T08:49:00.001-08:00

Hello!

I am a big proponent of giving up the "S" word. It never makes you feel good to think about what you should be doing...you just feel bad and guilty instead. So, I tell my clients to replace them all with "I'm working on..", "it would be nice if...", or "I want to start..." This will leave you feeling hopeful, motivated and feeling good instead of obligated, wistful and defeated.

Remember, most of the things that we want to be doing are things that we have been telling ourselves that we should be doing. If not, then we're getting into the gray areas of "have tos." These can also leaving you feeling bad, as well. Here is a way to get things clearer in your head and moving onto more productive, good feelings.

For me, a "have to" is doing my taxes. Let me clarify, I don't even have to "do" them actually, but just prepare them for my accountant. It's a pain for me because I own two business and I am just not a left brained person.

"Should" I do my taxes? Yes.

Do I "want" to do my taxes? No.

But, don't I "have to?" Yes?

I want a successful business so, yes, I do want to do all that I can to do to be successful and that includes getting my taxes done. So, in this case, I do actually want to do my taxes.

I will go to jail (or get a huge fine!) if I don't do my taxes, so I guess I have to...but didn't I just learn that I actually want to do my taxes? Why not just replace my shoulds and have toss with wants?

Why not, it's true, isn't it???

Think about whether the things that you are "shoulding" about are things that you actually want...may make a difference in the procrastination department.

Peace,

Cheri

Know the Difference Between Your Mind and Your Brain!

2010-02-02T09:02:00.000-08:00

Hello!

Is you brain holding you back from making the awesome changes in your life? Could be...

Your brain has this physiological survival technique that may be hindering you from keeping up with your healthy habits.

Your brain likes to regulate everything in your body so it hums and works perfectly. Unfortunately, this often includes manipulating your thoughts and your behaviors, as well. Your brain is obsessed with status quo and sameness because it has kept you safe and sound in the past. This is good in some ways, I mean, who wants to think about breathing all day? But it also can keep your good ideas and desires and from coming to their fruition. Your brain will do anything to hold you back and keep you doing what's been working just fine.

Where does that leave you? Stuck in a rut!

Click here to watch my Video Blog about how to know the difference between when your brain and your mind, "who" is talking to you and how it all works so you get out of that rut and back on track toward what you really want in your life!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhYcAWCDyvU

Peace,

Cheri

What do you REALLY want??? Think about it...

2010-01-12T07:42:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

So…Now that the presents have been opened and the parties all cleaned up, what do you have left??? A brand, new shiny year, just waiting to be filled up with all of your amazing ideas coming to their fruition!

We talked about the New Year’s Resolutionist’s Mistake, so I know you didn’t try to miraculously change in ten different ways on January 1^st, thereby inviting disappointment and feelings of failure. Good for you! So, where do you go from here? How do we make this New Year look better than all the rest?

Be Very Specific About What You Want

First, let’s get a clear picture of what you want. The first step in goal setting is really getting a handle on what it is, exactly, that you want. You’ll need to visualize it, very specifically. When you are thinking about driving that specific Mercedes around that you really, really want, do you picture yourself on a bus??? Stranded on the side of the road? No way! That’s why wherever you look you constantly see that make and model and even in the color you want. You’re brain is an expert at seeking out what you think about the most.

Why is that so? Your brain is wired that way as a survival mechanism. Think about our ancient ancestors, who were obsessed with finding food in the winter…they were thinking about boars, deer, anything to get nourishment. That’s all their brains could see, and it provided clarity, structure, and most importantly, abundant food in their lives.

It’s all up to you. It’s all in your thoughts…you have the control. You have 100% responsibility with your thoughts. You can think about whatever you want whenever you want.

When you go through this exercise, you may find that you’ve been thinking about what you don’t want, and that’s not helpful. I know it is often difficult to see what we dream about without seeing the obstacles that could arise or what has held us back in the past. New clients, when asked what they want, frequently begin with “Well, I know what I don’t want…” But in order to harness your brain’s amazing ability to move you toward your goals, you need a clear picture of what you affirmatively want, not the opposite.

I can tell you from experience that visualization works! A client recently told me that he has found the love of his life -- and attributed this life-changing, awesome event to working on an exercise with me where we spelled out exactly what his perfect, life partner might do, say, look like, enjoy…everything! I’m just saying…you know my motto: What if it works???

Don’t Worry about the “Hows”

Next, don’t sweat the details. We really get bogged down with thinking about how something is going to happen, or more accurately, how something is NOT going to happen when we start thinking about what we want. This is truly a waste of time. In fact, you end up vividly visualizing exactly the opposite of what you want! When you notice yourself doing this, go ahead and make a car brake noise in your head-

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Then, begin thinking about what you want.

“Hows" are useless. I mean, did you know how you would meet your spouse? How you would meet the hook up for your new job? How you make new friends in elementary school. How you would grow ears in the womb????

No. You just knew you wanted all of those things.

And we seem to only do this when we think about getting what we want. Are you bogged down with writing that report because you worried about how email works when you send it? Do you fret about dinner because you can’t imagine how the oven works?

No. You count on those things. You assume that they will work for you.

Your brain will too.

Just give it a chance.

Think about it. Visualize it. Talk about it. Surround yourself with it. Hang out with people who have it. Live as though you know you’ll get it.

Isn’t that how you got everything you already have???

So, tell me, what do you really, really want???

Please feel free to forward this blog along...Perhaps you know someone who needs some work on thinking about what they really, really want this year.

I have a video blog too! Check out my new "vlog" about the “when-then” at HYPERLINK "http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist" http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist.

If you need a hand with your new, healthy habits, hit me up anytime. Remember, I offer a FREE, face to face, 20-minute consultation.

Let it go, stay pumped, get it done, be you and go get it!

Peace,

Cheri

Follow me on Twitter! Click here: HYPERLINK "http://twitter.com/stresstherapy" http://twitter.com/stresstherapy

Teaching you the habits you can't wait to pick up!

'Tis the season for procrastination

2009-11-18T18:17:00.000-08:00

Hello!

Well, it's that time of year again...people are about to start putting off more than they have all year.

It's quite sad acutally...I mean, if you decide today to put something off until "after the holidays"
that's 44 DAYS of putting off! And let's face it, if you put it off until the first, that's a Friday and who starts projects on a Friday??? It could probably wait until Monday, January 4th where it can be piled up with all of the other things that you have now been putting off for 47 days! That's almost 7 weeks...almost two months!!

It's quite empowering to start something on the Wednesday BEFORE Thanksgiving...the week of Christmas. Get things done even though you're busy...it feels great!

Take it from me...I'm killing it with my to do list!

Peace,
Cheri

How Men and Women Differ in Dealing with Stress...

2009-11-04T13:43:00.000-08:00

Hello!

It's interesting how men and women differ when dealing with stressful situations or decisions. Remember, there is an exception to every rule but generalities can be helpful when you are dealing with the opposite sex as they, most likely, will deal differently than you.

Men tend to think things through. Knowing this, offer the man you are dealing with something to simply think over. Don't ask for answers right away. Give a deadline if helpful, e.g., "perhaps, we can revisit this idea over dinner on Thursday."

Women tend to talk things through. Knowing this, offer to listen if a woman you are dealing with seems to want to express some insights right away. Be available for a chat if you want some resolution. Ask open ended questions, e.g., "what are your thoughts on that idea?"

Have a lovely, productive day!

Peace,
Cheri

Do You Have Southern Hospitality Syndrome?

2009-10-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

Procrastinators: Listen Up!

A big enabler of perpetual procrastination is what I like to call, “Southern Hospitality Syndrome.” Simply put, this is when you have a habit of being kinder to others than you care to be toward yourself. It sounds like the epitome of “nice” and the opposite of “selfish,” but if this syndrome sounds uncomfortably familiar, it may be seriously contributing to your procrastination.

If you have Southern Hospitality Syndrome, you are probably keeping commitments to others while ignoring or compromising commitments to yourself. After a while, letting yourself down in this manner will begin to compromise your self-care, self-esteem and self-worth – and may leave you hopeless to change or downright depressed. How?

Let’s say that you and I were scheduled for a lunch date and I couldn’t make it. What would I do? Call you up and reschedule, of course! If I did nothing at all…never called, never acknowledged it…just blew off the whole thing, what would I be? Disappointing? What if I did it more than once? Then what would I be? Unreliable? What if I did it all the time? Well, I’d be a jerk, of course!

Now, ask yourself…how do you treat the commitments you’ve made to yourself? With the same respect as you do with commitments to others???

If not, and if you are constantly letting your internal commitments slide, that’s a problem far bigger than just a missed commitment. That is creating a self-image problem while inadvertently perpetuating your continued procrastination.

See, here’s how your brain works. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a broken commitment with yourself or one broken with someone else. So, if you keep telling yourself that you are going to clean the garage, organize the office, cut the grass or even write that book and you don’t do it, your brain starts to think (and therefore, have you believing) that you are an unreliable jerk who doesn’t stick to your commitments.

If you think something over and over…you eventually believe it. That’s all beliefs are…just thoughts that you’ve had over and over. You may actually have yourself believing lots of things that just simply aren’t true…that you can’t finish anything, won’t start anything or that you don’t stick your guns about positive change in your life.

This is dangerous. If you believe something, anything…your brain will work overtime to perpetuate it…to make it so, even if it’s not true! See how this can smash your new ideas, stunt your growth at work and keep you from accomplishing your dreams? This means that you have to take some action today and get those beliefs turned around!

You change your beliefs by simply changing your thoughts. So, the next time the vacuum breaks, or you skip the volunteer job, or you blow off your yoga class, go ahead and give yourself a nice dose of Southern Hospitality!

Treat yourself as you would if it were me that was meeting you on your living floor to fix the vacuum. Picture your neighbor waiting at the mission for you to help out. See your best friend honking the horn on the way to the yoga studio. In short, stop being a jerk to yourself!

Do yourself the best favor ever and start by just doing it! Keep your promise to yourself and get it done! This means that you will have to be a very careful scheduler. I mean, do you make dinner plans with someone knowing that you will be canceling? No! You are careful when you make the date that nothing will get in the way.

If you really can’t follow through and something really has come up, simply “call” yourself up and make a new, realistic plan – just like you would if it were anyone else. Use a calendar and “reschedule” yourself. Treat yourself just as you treat others. Know that you will get to it, mark a specific time and date for it and be true to yourself.

Soon you’ll have your brain’s course corrected, believing that you are quite awesome. You’ll be doing all that “needs to be done,” “should be done” and that you “really want in life.” You’ll actually believe that you’re the reliable one who always gets it done and perpetuating that belief by thinking it over and over…and you’ll be right!

Let it go, stay pumped, get it done, be you and go get it,
Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW
http://www.thestresstherapist.com/

Take A Break...You Deserve It!

2009-09-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hello, busy people!

Here's the skinny...yes, I am cool with always telling you how to get it done, not worry, stop procrastinating and being on top of everything.

BUT

It is crucial that you also take time to relax and enjoy life. You will not be on your death bed wishing that you spent more hours at the office or got through your inbox quicker.

Remember what it's all about.

Life. Love. Family. Children. Sunsets. Fill in the blanks here for you.

DON'T

...Use this as an excuse to goof off or procrastinate. Rather, have it as your life's mission to be well rounded. You are able to let go when you need to and charge ahead when you want to.

I know you can.

Because you are so awesome.

Peace and big deep breathes,
Cheri

Babies Don't Wait! So, Be A Baby About It!

2009-09-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Well, it is nearing the end of my maternity leave...I should be blogging and writing my newsletter much more often now.

(Click here: http://www.guidinginneraction.com/newsletter.php for my newsletter, "Guiding Inner Action: Teaching you the habits you can't wait to pick up!" With tips and tricks about staying motivated, avoiding stress outs and keeping up with healthy habits!)

I will also be returning to my office to see clients on October 6th. Feel free to contact me to make an appointment. Remember, I offer a FREE, in person, 20 minute consult. http://www.thestresstherapist.com/

What a learning experience having a baby has been!

One thing that I have learned is that babies don't wait. Never ever. All they know is, "if I don't have what I want right now, I'm going to scream." There is no room for, "in a minute," or "that can wait" or "maybe laters."

Applying my techniques for getting things done and avoiding procrastination or stress-outs has been interesting. Certainly, there is less time in the day...a newborn will keep you quite busy! But that doesn't mean that there is no time.

If anything, my spare time is much more structured as I take advantage of my baby's naps and time with daddy. If I know that I only have a fifty minute nap window, then that's when I have my time to manage. That's it. No debating. No arguing with my brain on other fun things I can do. That's it. Done.

I also find that it's much easier to get things done if that "nap time" is already planned out. So, if I know that my baby is sleeping this evening from 5pm to 6pm, then I figure out what I will be doing during that nap well before he falls asleep. I can do this with his naps all day and really have an organized, productive day!

So, let this be a lesson in planning all of your down time. Go ahead and plan to watch your show or read your book, but also plan to clean out your closet, organize your kitchen and pay your bills.

Decide when you will do it. Give yourself a window of time...50 minutes, an hour and a half...even if you think it won't be enough time for the task at hand! Remember, this is when you're planning on working on it. When "baby wakes up," time is up! Set up another time and stay moving on all of your projects and ideas.

Be a baby about it and you'll surely get it done! No waiting or dilly dallying! Be just like your baby!

Go ahead and try it. Get it all done! Hit me back and let me know how it worked!

May you be productive during all of your "naps,"
Cheri

Camera Phone-the Ultimate Reminder Tool

2009-08-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Yes, I have a little baby now...Owen Lincoln Flake was born on July 2, 2009 at a whopping 8 lbs. 14 oz. and at 20 1/2 inches long. We're both doing wonderfully...

Now, that I am using my camera phone like crazy to take pictures all the time of Owen, I have realized that in the past, I used my camera phone much like a "visual to do list," if you will.

If I see a pair of shoes that I like, snap! Got it on my phone to check eBay later. See a book that I want to read, snap! Got it on my phone to remind me to get it at the library soon. Any idea, reminder, shopping item and even quotes that I like, were on my camera phone for quick retrieval. No need for a pen and paper if you have a camera phone!

This is great idea for keeping things organized and reminders at the tips of your fingers...

Try it out...oh, and here's a current camera phone shot of my little one...
Oh look! Right next to it, one of my favorite quotes!

Just practicin' what I'm preachin',

Cheri

A little baby on the way...

2009-06-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Just wanted to let you know...I have a little baby on the way so I won't really be blogging much about getting organized, not procrastinating or how to work on healthy habits and happy living in the next few months.

Instead, I will be living and practicing all of these ideas! There are so many fun things to do and new ways to get organized when there is a baby on the horizon!

So, off I go! Wish me luck!

Peace,
Cheri and Baby Flake

Something is ALWAYS better than NOTHING!

2009-05-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

Hello!

I am writing this blog to illustrate how easy it is to get started on a task. This goes out to a client of mine that I saw yesterday that has been putting off starting a blog for weeks!

When you are putting something off, chances are you are making if far more difficult in your head than it the task will actually be...the bummer is...

Your brain doesn't know the difference between thinking about doing something or actually doing something...if you don't believe me, fantasize about eating a juicy lemon, really visualize it, and feel yourself start to salivate and pucker up!

So, by the time you actually sit down to do what you've been putting off, it feels like you've been doing it for hours, days or weeks already!

Just start by doing something...anything toward your goal. Sometimes that means simply writing some ideas down, making a phone call, finding a pen!

Remember, because motivation always comes after action, that little push will get you moving.

How long did it take me write this blog? About 3 or 4 minutes.

Whoohoooo!

You can do it!!!!

Peace,
Cheri

Managing Your "To Do" Lists

2009-05-15T15:19:00.000-07:00

Hello, busy people!

Here are a few tips on how to keep your "To Do" lists working for you and helping you get it all done!

I'm a big fan of "To Do" lists. The point is to get whatever is rolling around in your head on paper so you can stop thinking (and stressing!) about it. This is a HUGE stress reducer.

First, if you can do whatever it is that you are about to put on your list in 3 minutes or less...do it right then and there! You'll be amazed how productive you can be with this practice.

Second, feel free to leave little pads of paper all around you so you don't have to search for something to write on or forget before the next time you have paper. Put a pad next to the bed, in the car, by your toothbrush, next to the shower...anywhere that you seem to think or have new ideas...

Third, don't let the multiple "To Do" list idea stress you out! It's to help you out! You can always consolidate them at the end of the day or week or whatever.

Remember, the goal is to have somewhere to put it besides your brain!

You can do it!

You ROCK!

Peace,
Cheri

Yeah, but...

2009-04-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hello, my loves...

I would like to give you some homework today...

You know when you are talking with someone and they just insist on focusing on the negative? Perhaps, you are able to really see the positive in their situation, but every time you point it out your companion comes back with a resounding, "Yeah, but..."

Is it possible that sometimes YOU are the "Yeah, but-er"???

Instead of meeting some one's optimistic point of view with a dismissing "Yeah, but..." how about trying to relish in the positive, just for a moment, before moving on??

I know it can be annoying, because many times you are simply trying to explain a situation or have someone see your side of things. But if, in fact, you are explaining an obstacle or bummer in your life, isn't it even more important to pause just for a second to see any sort of positive spin on your situation?

It will help with keeping your mole hills from becoming mountains, overreacting and encourage good decision making, staying calm and avoiding "catastrophizing" (I'll get into that a bit next time, k?).

I'm just simply suggesting you pause for a moment and acknowledge your listener's attempts at getting you to see some positive in your situation. Just a moment...

You can do it.

You are a natural, I know it...

Yeah,
Cheri

What Keeps You Going?

2009-03-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Just got back from my "babymoon" with my husband...we went to the Florida Keys.

Some interesting history down in Key West....a guy named Mel Fisher searched for a buried treasure for 16 years before he found it in 1985...the loot? 450 million bucks!!!

His motto was, "Today's the day!" I love it!

One has to wonder, what kept him going all that time???

Take a moment now and think about what keeps you motivated, moving and strong...take a moment to thank whomever or whatever it is...even if it's your morning latte!

Make this a daily practice and perhaps you too, will find yourself glorifying, relishing and enjoying each new day, each new opportunity to find your own buried treasure.

You are a gratitude machine,
Cheri

Try Out "The Placemat Exercise"

2009-02-24T14:22:00.001-08:00

Hello super stars!

I learned this trick from Esther and Jerry Hicks...I love it!

It's a piece of cake and seems to work every single time I do it!

Take a piece of paper and turn it sideways...like a placemat. On the left side, write the word, "Me," on the right side, write, "The Universe."

Write your to do list or efforts that you will make in your life toward what you want under "Me."

Me
RSVP for a party this week
Prepare my taxes for my accountant
Write a new brochure for my business
write an ad to find a new nanny
The Universe
Unexpected $100 for a new dress to wear to party
A nice big tax return
2 new clients
A reliable, wonderful, perfect, new nanny

Keep in mind too...your list under "Me" does not necessarily need to correspond with the items on "The Universe" list. Just write a to do list if you want under "Me" and any desires that you feel are out of your control under "The Universe."

This will make you feel in control of what you really can grasp and change and let The Universe take care of the rest...a real stress reducer.

It may seem a bit silly, but it works, I swear!

Just put your Placemat Exercise together, put it up on the fridge, keep up your end of the bargain and wait a week...tell me I'm crazy!

You won't!

You know what I always say...

What if it works???

You know it,
Cheri

New Year's Resolutions...How's it goin'???

2009-01-12T15:09:00.000-08:00

It's a New Year, baby!

If you know me at all, you know that this is my very favorite subject...

I just feel like all I do is talk about, write about and harp on the New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake...

Rather than go on and on again, I'm going to give you the short version, the links to the longer versions and then call it a day...cool?

The short version goes like this...

Remember that your goals for the new year are GOALS! That means that they are something to work toward...therefore, on January 1st, you do not begin at the goal...you simply just start the new behavior...no matter how small or infrequent, you simply begin...little by little.

Now, I get that January 1st has come and gone, so start on Monday, or February 2nd...there's no law that you have to start on January 1st...that's just an excuse, so get over the January 1st obsession.

Next, think about this...if your New Year's Resolution is to run 5 times a week, and you haven't been running at all...you have a great goal!!! So, if on January 1st you walk for 5 minutes, you are working on it! You are doing it "right"! You are a star! You ROCK!

Also, starting at the goal can be a disaster especially if you attach a number to that goal....like "5 times a week." Click here to see my 2 minute video blog on avoiding the numbers game with your resolutions - http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist

Lastly, New Year's Resolutions have a tough time right out of the gate as they tend to lack preparation and planning...click here to read about the New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake http://www.guidinginneraction.com/new_year2.html

Most importantly, remember something is always better than nothing...no matter what.

Good luck to you...I know you can do it...and as always, call me if you need me...

Peace and success to you in the new year,

Cheri

2008-12-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

Hello!

So, how’s the “holiday season” going for you?
Busy? Really busy? Really? Honestly?

Don’t get stuck in the “When-Then Trap!”

I want you to try an experiment…just a little something that’s super easy…

The next time you say to yourself or to someone else,

“That will have to wait until after the holidays” or

“I’m not even going to think about that until after the New Year,” or

“When the holidays are over then I will deal with that,”

I want you to visualize “hearing” a big buzzer going off in your head, and then a loud, “Stop!”

Notice that you are putting off something and using “the holidays” as an excuse (they certainly are tempting, I know!)

Next, quickly do the math…if you continue with your procrastinating plan, how long would you actually be procrastinating this particular new idea, project or task?

Go ahead…so, if it happened today…
Christmas Day is 15 days away, more than two weeks!
New Years Day is 22 days away, more than three weeks!!
(By the way, if your holiday season kicks off with Hanukkah tomorrow December 11th, that's no excuse! It's still more than 3 weeks of procrastinating before the New Year!!!)

Reassess what it is that you are putting off...does it really need to wait two, or most likely, three weeks???

It really may be that what you are putting off actually is too big, and therefore feels too cumbersome so your brain just shuts it out. Break it down!

Then, decide right then and there that you will take a baby step; the littlest, teensiest movement toward whatever it is that you are putting off.

Remember, motivation comes after action!

You will feel so incredibly great if you just address the smallest piece of it, rather than push it all aside…

What will it really take? A phone call? An errand? Jotting down a couple of ideas? Just get the ball rolling and then make a realistic plan to get it done.

Just think of all the little tasks, ideas and new things that you can get moving on in the month of December that you would have otherwise just blown off! You won’t believe how much control you take with the littlest bit of action…you will love it!

Think about the way you think about things!

Let’s say that I was going to have a party sometime in the next three weeks and I sent you an evite…would you come if you were available? Honestly, if you thought that it would be fun, wouldn’t you work it out and come along? Or would you go on and on about how long it might take and how hard it would be to pick out an outfit and find my house?

See, we make time for what we want to make time for…it’s all in the way that we think…so why do the gutters have to wait? How about that project at work? Isn’t time off way more fun when a yucky something isn’t waiting on your desk at work? And how about that garage? Let’s get real, here…if you were having a party and everyone had to walk through the garage to get inside, you may “find’ the time to get it clean, right?

We tend to think of our time like we think about our money…can I afford these designer shoes? Well, sure! But I can’t afford to eat at that 5 star restaurant, are you nuts??? I need to be able to buy designer shoes!

Remember, we have time for the things we want to have time for,
just like we afford the things that we want to afford.

I’ll be in touch super soon, until then and during the lovely holiday season;
Let it go, stay pumped, get it done, be you and go get it!

Wishing you the most wonderful holiday season and a joyous New Year,
Cheri

Teaching you the habits you can't wait to pick up!

This Is So Simple!

2008-11-11T09:10:00.000-08:00

Hello!

I just wanted to quickly post a little something for you to think about...

You know how your friend had a baby and your neighbor is having a birthday and your boss is having a party and you have to pick up a onesie, a gift and a bottle of wine???

That puts you in three different retail situations this week!

Why not scope out a Holiday gift or two while you're at Toys 'R Us, Macy's and Trader Joe's???

It's perfectly ok to hang on to a gift for a month or two and you will just love it when you go to get organized and see that you have already knocked off a few gifts!

I think it's hard sometimes for a lot of people to start buying holiday gifts as the season gears up...it seems the early carols and loud Christmas trees at the mall give us all flashbacks of the misery that holiday shopping has been in the past. Why not nip that anxiety in the bud and start handling the holidays little by little???

You don't need to tackle the whole season in one trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond...but wasn't my mother-in-law just saying that she needed a new alarm clock??? Hmm, I'm here...the alarm clocks are on sale...

See what I mean?

That's the super cool thing: you may actually get something that you think your recipient will love! This isn't scrounging around at the last minute desperate for something...anything! This is actually being open to whomever is on your list and buying what you really think they would like...what a concept!

I hate it when I'm with a friend and they say, "Oh, my sister would love that!" and then don't buy it...what is that about? Always, when I try to encourage my friend to just buy it, I hear, "Oh, not now..." or (the dreaded), "I'll come back later." Um, hello??? You're here...right now...with a good gift idea (that you will probably forget about)...this is you adding stress to your life!

What the...?????

Don't wait or put it off! Have a little fun shopping now while you can before everything gets so crazy! Plus, it's super fun weeks later to look through all your early finds...it's like Christmas for the giver!

Give it a try and let me know how much more fun holiday shopping can be...

Have a lovely, lovely!

Peace,

Cheri

Dealing with Difficult People

2008-10-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Nothing gets a stress level soaring like a nasty interchange with someone that just seems impossible to get along with...

We all have to do it at some or another and as the holidays begin to creep up on us, it may be good to have a few more tools in your toolbox, if you know what I mean...

Here's one of my favorite ways to get someone to drink a cup of "Zip it," without being bossy or confrontational.

De-escalating is the tool that allows both parties to be heard without yelling...what a concept! Whooohooo!

Here's how it usually goes...two parties are conversing...as the obvious disagreement becomes apparent, someone gets louder...in order to be heard and to compete actively in the argument, the other person gets slightly louder...next, a button may be pushed, a retaliation may occur and alas, both parties become even louder...next thing you know, screaming match=no one is listening, no one is getting heard, everyone is mad and nothing is resolved.

Next time you find yourself on this path...slowly beginning to escalate with your mom, or spouse or teenager (yes! This even works with teenagers!), try this...

Instead of getting louder than the other, get softer. Yes, softer. Drink a cup of "Zip it" yourself! Even if someone is a super escalator and starts off yelling at you, speak very softly...don't whisper, but speak softer than your normal speaking voice.

What happens??? You'll love this...whoever is escalating will stop, perhaps even cock an ear, lean in and actually try to determine what it is you're saying!

If you can converse quietly, regardless of what anyone else is doing, it remains the natural response to continue the "I can be louder than you" behavior. This means that whomever you're dealing with will present themselves as a bit louder than you're speaking (which is softly) and thus, no yelling occurs (if, you can keep it up and not lose control!). Since there's no yelling the potential for a discussion rather than an argument has become a viable option.

A few points to remember when de-escalating:

Once your listener begins actually listening, you better have something to say! You finally have their attention, so it's imperative that you are saying something that:

A. You really want them to hear (what is it you are really trying to say anyway??), and
B. Will not shoot the situation into hyper-escalation mode.
That means no sarcasm or name calling!

Remember, just like you're toddler that is learning a new behavior, it could get worse before it gets better. That means, you could have someone get really nasty in an effort to get you riled up...stick to your guns and it will subside...you have to just hang in there and let it de-escalate!

Remember, this is just a tool to keep things from getting out of control...not a lot of resolution technique, but who can even think about that with all this yelling and screaming going on?!

I'll get back with you with specifics: what to say exactly when your listener is perking up in a brilliant effort to end arguments...for now just practice this tool.

I'm telling you, it's alarming how well this works...from the first time you try it...it's satisfyingly immediate.

Try it!!!

Let me know how it goes!

Hit me up with an email at cheri@thestresstherapist.com and tell me your de-escalating stories!

Peace, peace and more peace,

Cheri

Did You Love Your Trapper Keeper Like I Did?

2008-09-12T12:45:00.000-07:00

Hello!

I thought I would post an edition of my newsletter from about a year ago...

Enjoy!

I certainly hope that the beautiful fall weather is inspiring you and motivating you to start on some of those “someday maybe” projects and or thinking through some of the cool ideas that you’ve been having lately…

Autumn always seems to take me back to those “Back to School” days. Even though the holidays are just a few months away, autumn has a way of feeling like a whole new year has just begun. It must be the ingrained school year schedules all through our childhoods and into our adult years that does it. I just loved going out to buy all the various items that I would need for the school year. As much as I loved to shop for clothes and shoes (and still do!), nothing really got me as excited as the prospect of brand new school supplies.

Thankfully, my love of new school supplies is not something that I have outgrown, nor will I ever let myself even consider outgrowing it! There is something about a brand new pen…a new notebook opening up for the first time, just for me. The Care Bear folders and Madonna notebooks have only been replaced with a new pattern or color that I like but with the same effect: the lovely feeling of organization (did you too have a separate color for every class?) and new beginnings (I just knew that a Melrose Place organizer would help me get an A in Statistics).

The lovely part of growing up is that as you get older, “school supplies” just keep getting better and better! Pencil holders (which incidentally, I still use and love) are replaced with a PDA, and who needs glitter pens or colored pencils when nothing says “I’m organized,” like an electronic label maker?

So, indulge your inner child and embrace the "New Year!" Go shopping for your new school supplies! Slowly peruse the “office” and “school supplies” aisle at Target. Bookstores and dollar stores are the goldmines of shiny, new school supplies for all ages.

Just be sure to never skimp on two things - a calendar that works like your brain does (You may notice that you tend to think in “weeks,” like me…Or are you more of a “daily” thinker?) and smaller notepads to leave in various locations to write down thoughts, quotes you like, a grocery list, or a book you want. Buy separate notebooks for separate subjects, just like in high school - one for your ideas on redoing the kitchen, one for ideas on holiday gifts (Real Simple, my all time favorite brand of school supplies, makes a lovely gift ledger), one for your dreams, one for the family to write their vacation ideas, one for the brilliant ideas that you have at work…whatever you’re pondering…whatever subject you are currently studying.

So take on a few new, shiny palettes to inspire some new, shiny thoughts and ideas. Projects and tasks take on a new meaning when they have space and room to breathe…perhaps, some organizing trays or accordion files will help to blossom more ideas if they have a place to be...the fun tasks of getting your new supplies together will probably then motivate you to reorganize or straighten up your work area. In the wise words of my Sociology professor in college, “If your space is messy, your mind is messy.”

On a side note, when relishing in the newness of an unused notebook or journal, go ahead and skip the first couple of pages…you may shy away from writing anything at all without a teacher over your shoulder. The first page can come with an inhibiting pressure to write something profound. When you’re feeling creative you just want it perfect, don’t you?

That’s why you’re such a cool person.

Welcome back! It’s a whole new school year…Give it a try and hit me back with what you get!

I now have a video blog too! Check out my new “vlog,” about how to stop procrastinating at http://www.youtube.com/user/thestresstherapist.

I would love to hear about what’s holding you back or any ideas you would like addressed in my newsletter. Feedback and comments are always welcome. Just shoot me an email at cheri@thestresstherapist.com.

I’ll be in touch, until then:

Let it go, stay pumped, get it done, be you and go get it!

Happy Thoughts,
Cheri

Teaching you the habits you can't wait to pick up!

Be sure to click here www.guidinginneraction.com/procrastination.pdf to get my FREE REPORT for my newsletter subscribers:
“Stop the Procrastination Already! – 5 Tricks to Get it Done”

P.S. I apologize, we are still working on a few links on the website, stay tuned!

If you would like to subscribe to this ezine, click here: http://www.guidinginneraction.com/newsletter.php

for Cheri’s newsletter, “Guiding Inner Action: Teaching you the habits you can't wait to pick up!"
With tips and tricks about staying motivated, avoiding stress outs and keeping up with healthy habits!

Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW
Guiding Inner Action, LLC
1790 Century Blvd., Suite A - Atlanta, GA 30345 - (practice address)
PO Box 265 - Decatur, GA 30031- (mailing address)

404-275-8352
cheri@thestresstherapist.com

www.thestresstherapist.com

Am I Still Breathing???

2008-09-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

These days a lot of talk is rolling around about being "present" and "mindful," what does it all mean anyway??

I really like the way Eckert Tolle suggests finding your present moment. He says to just ask yourself, "Am I still breathing?"

See, it's impossible to be totally focused on your breath and doing something else. Even if it only lasts for a few seconds, I beg you: give it a quick try.

Why?

Easy.

It's a HUGE stress reducer to simply focus on the very moment your experiencing...not later when make dinner, not tomorrow when you have a big meeting and certainly not yesterday when you wish you hadn't said something stupid. Just now...

It's strange, I think...we spend so much time working for, thinking about and preparing for events in the future and we never even really get there...I mean, once the event arises, we still insist on focusing on what's coming next. Do we ever really enjoy what we continuously work so hard for every day?

Can we ever just be right here, right now???

Yes. This is a start.

Be stress free right now...not tomorrow or the next day or when you have time (that's a biggie!)...right now, take a moment...just a second or two...ask yourself, "am I still breathing?

Breathe,
Cheri

Popular Homework

2008-08-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

Hellllllooooo!

When I begin to notice that I am assigning the same homework a few times in a week, I tend to think that the presenting problem that prompts the assignment in the first place may be "going around."

So, what's in your drinking water? A recent bout of dramatic negative thinking? Yuck!

I thought I might share a popular homework assignment with you today.

The next time you're feeling rotten or negative, complaining a lot or just downright angry, try this:

Pretend for the next 24 hours that everything that you think will absolutely come true...and I'm talking soon, like sometime between immediately and within the next day.

Here's how it goes...you're driving down the road and someone cuts you off...you immediately think and visualize a fender bender...YIKES! You don't want that to come true! Do you???

So, go ahead and really imagine the sound of brakes in your head...a high pitched aaeeeeeeerrrrt! (that's my phonetic car brakes sound, you like?) and change the thought and visualize exactly what you would like to be true....

How about, "a safe, pleasant ride home." Much better!

Do this for an entire 24 hours.

Why?

Here's why...first, you will learn a bit about what exactly you are thinking...how negative you are thinking and about what in your life exactly. This is very useful in examining the relationship between negative thoughts and negative feelings. This is simple, if you are thinking yucky thoughts you will have yucky feelings. Sweet news! The reverse is true: postive thoughts yield positive feelings. Good to know if you want to make a change, you know?

You will also begin to get very careful about what you're thinking. This is important for a ton of reasons. Here's a biggie: If you're a Law of Attraction fan (and I recommend joining this fan club!), you will begin attracting what you want, because that's all you'll be thinking about!

Also, you will, in general, by definition, begin to feel better all the way around when you are thinking pleasant thoughts. This, my friends, is the name of the game!

Give it a try...let me know what happens...

Peace,

Cheri

Journey Into Healing

2008-06-24T06:04:00.000-07:00

Aaaah...

I've just returned from a Deepak Chopra conference entitled, "Journey Into Healing"...what a cool experience!

Vegetarian meals, twice daily meditation and yoga, classes on healthy living and happy living...now there's a de-stresser! Check out the Chopra center events at http://www.chopra.com/.

It was a pleasure to meet Deepak and hear him speak after reading a few of his books. My favorite book by Deepak Chopra is "Quantum Healing." In this book of vignettes featuring various patients he saw mostly in typical medical settings, you learn how very powerful your mind is in healing, as well as perpetuating illness. I appreciated the wonder and possibiltity that Deepak alludes to by including some stories that don't necessarily fit in with the theme of the rest of the book. A must read if you or someone you love is suffering from a chronic or recurring illness.

I will be sure to mention some killer tips and advise that I learned at Journey Into Healing in my newsletter...Guiding Inner Action: Teaching You the Habits You Can't Wait To Pick Up!. Feel free to sign up for my newlsetter here... http://www.thestresstherapist.com/.

Have a lovely, lovely day!

Peace and Namaste,
Cheri

Lessons how you like 'em...quick and easy!

2008-05-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

Hello my relaxation and meditation experts!

; p

Just kiddin'...no pressure.

What a beautiful day it is today in Decatur, Georgia! On perfect days like this one, being stuck or stressed out can seem a million miles away...until the rain comes once again.

I'd like to share a story with you that I heard from a talk by Dr. Wayne Dyer recently. Here goes:

Chapter One of My Life
I walk down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It's not my fault. I still take forever to find a way up.

Chapter Two
I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again, I can't believe I'm in the same place! It isn't my fault, but it still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there and I still fall in! It's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It's my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down a different street.

There are no accidents, huh?

Peace,
Cheri

Ah, Holiday...

2008-04-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

Hello there!

So, I have just returned from quite a vacation!

Part of my time off included a cruise. As I was saying my good-byes to a few new friends, I noticed many commenting that they feel like they need a "vacation after my vacation."

Often, vacations or "holidays," (a seemingly more appropriate term that I love) can be rigorous and filled with activity after activity with the effort of trying to "get it all in." This may be especially true if you are attempting to include some leisure time or sight seeing into a work-related trip (which, by the way, I highly recommend). A busy trip may leave you feeling quite drained at the end of your "holiday" that was supposed to get you relaxed and recharged.

This can be the case even if you are a beach for a week...getting that Serotonin and Vitamin D flowing naturally through you can really make you feel quite serene and even a bit sleepy...certainly, not exactly where you need to be to "get right back in the swing of things."

Why not go ahead and plan for your "vacation after your vacation" before you leave? I mean it...ease back into life, just as you allow yourself to ease into the beginning of your holiday. I know for me, it always takes a day or two to really "feel like" I'm on vacation.

Come home a day early and perhaps, shoot a few holes at a local golf course while you do a load of vacation laundry.

See the movie that you've been wanting to see after a 20 minute planning session of your upcoming week.

Plan for your first day back at work to be minimal.

Just let your holiday linger a little...it's OK to let it all stay with you a while longer...just allow all those benefits of a lovely break ease into your work and home life.

Half the battle in life is knowing what you need in order to be a better you...take advantage of situations when you actually know! You need a break after your break? Well, than take it...

This may get you into a nice practice of taking mini holidays...a whole day off...a few hours away from the office...a lunch with an old friend...5 minute moments of silence...

By the way, it was very therapeutic to watch the enormous wake of a 951' ship fall away into the ocean. The past really is, "just a trail you've left behind...nothing more." -Dr. Wayne Dyer

Have a lovely holiday,
Cheri

Skip A Blog or Two...

2008-03-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hello!

So, I'm blogging now...I'm a blogger. That's me. Hmmm, it suddenly feels like a lot of pressure.

Posting my first blog reminds me a lot of writing your first journal entry...there's far too much pressure to write something profound.

My advice? When you get your new journal, skip a few pages right off the bat and write something purposely mundane. Reject the idea that it must be a brilliant poem, or a beautiful quote you heard (and somehow remembered!) and start by just write a grocery list or your plan for the day.

So, my blogging equivalent to that?

I'm skippin' this blog! That's right, I skipped it!

Whoohooo! No pressure, less stress...and we're off to a good start!

; p

Peace,
Cheri